Family, Spiritual, Travel

How to Vet a Spouse

The poor dear. So many will say “yes” today to proposals of marriage. I feel compelled to tell the story – a love story going on twenty years now. Have you ever had a Fonzy moment.

I had a Fonzy moment when I had been dating a very tall, sweet spirited, gentle man for about a year and a half. He wanted to date for a while because I had married my first husband twice. That’s another story but for some other time. Let’s just say, I was reminded of “what God has joined together…..and you know the rest. I was very spiritually immature.

On to the sweetheart. He was saying goodbye in the doorway and the entrance gave me just the right height to look into his eyes as he was departing. He was tall and I was short so it was a nice stoop for us. He locked eyes with me and said “I love you”. My heart soared and a gush of emotion flew over me and I opened my mouth to tell him, “I love you too”. Well it came out more like ri, ru, u and I attempted again. Then tried to save myself, I feel it, I promise. Eventually we talked it through, but I realized how the writers of that show Happy Days must have had a similar experience because you just can’t make this up.

Wanting to make sure this was a suitable companion, having vowed that I was asexual, like a flower. I had not answered phone calls for a few weeks in the beginning, from this gentle man suitor. I came up with some quirky ways to assure that we would live, “happily ever after”.

First, I took him to an online compatibility test which we did separately. Brigham Young’s Social Studies department had this test at the time. Maybe they still do. The questions compare and calculate a couple’s compatibility. The second and more harsh query we went through was to have him meet a psychologist friend and take the Minnesota Multi-phasic Personality Inventory.

Having learned of behavior and decisions that come from personalities that some cannot be helped or others won’t be helped, I was not going to take a chance of reliving with someone whom we would be miserable, yet believe we had the most wonderful relationship. I had done my time contributing to the divorce statistics in the USA.  Now we know he is not an angry narcissist or a paranoid, delusional person among other things, we move to the final test.

Growing up with horses I had a strong trust for their instincts and had seen one attack a farrier she didn’t like and it turns out with good reason. He was not a gentle man in interactions with the horses so she rammed him right in the gut.  I walk this suitor into the field, he is apprehensive as he sees eighteen horses and ponies converge around him. He stands tall and tries to decide which one to talk to and touch first. They all surround him being social and very accustomed to people and handling. There was a-lot of sniffing and smelling and mingling. A beautiful social circle of visiting which went on for a good thirty minutes, walking with the herd. Yep, good to go. They love him and so do I.

He is foremost a Godly man and I had to get used to be second in his order of love and that was an adjustment for me. He taught me to grow in my own relationship with a savior and loving God. Thankful. Happy Valentine’s Day, before you say “yes”. Vet and test.

One comment to How to Vet a Spouse

  • Jennifer Williams

    So sweet


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